Crisis

There has been a surge in head-on collisions in towns and cities across the globe. The prevalence of head injuries has rocketed in recent years because people are too busy stalking their ex-partner on Facebook, recent studies have confirmed.  

The activist group ‘Save our skulls’, are demanding new legislation be implemented to stop the impending brain damage pandemic from smartphone related accidents.

They are lobbying for a bill to be passed that makes wearing a helmet whilst operating a mobile phone a legal requirement.

What the expert says

“We want to prevent everyone’s brain turning to soup by their time they’re 33.” Said Dr. Steve Peterson, the leading mobile phone head-on collision specialist.

It’s quite ridiculous really that we haven’t evolved another set of eyes on the top of our heads by now, to stop them awkward moments in the street when you’re looking at your phone.” He added.

Phone zombies

Those most at risk, it has emerged, are student and pre-coffee workers on the way to the office in the morning, the so called ‘phone zombies’.

Results of a result survey showed that young adults thought Kim Kardashian’s latest Snapchat story was more important than a little bit of early-onset Alzheimer’s.

Official statement

Patrick Goodman, a government official from Stoke, England, said:

“I hope these helmets have cameras on linked to your phone, so I can see where I’m going, my wife is sick of me getting late home from work. Several times I’ve ended up in strip bars, completely accidentally, because I was staring down at my phone.”

 

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